The Bully

Bullies are bred in homes where inconsistent parenting patterns and inconsistent consequences and abusive, bullying behaviours become the role model. Some bullies are spoilt children who never experience behaviour boundaries.

Some come from homes where there are so many problems that they are neglected emotionally or where the relationship between their parents is poor, stressful and even abusive.

There are two main types of bullies, the malicious who have been born with psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies (their brains are wired differently to ordinary children e.g. they like hurting animals) and those who are basically non-malicious but use bullying behaviours.

They think:

  • It's a game
  • I can get away with it
  • It will make me popular
  • They are so weak
  • It does not hurt
  • Everyone does it

Gender stuff

Both girls and boys can be bullies and victims.

Boys:

  • Boys bully both boys and girls.
  • Boys bully more openly and experience more physical bullying and threats.
  • Boys use bullying tactics to make a reputation and girls use bullying tactics to protect their reputation.

Girls:

  • Girls generally bully other girls.
  • Girls can be physical, but prefer indirect methods such as verbal, emotional, cyber & social bullying.
  • Girls use teasing, taunting, devaluing, isolation from the group and spreading malicious rumours to bully (all less obvious to teachers).

Damage to bully

  • Many bullies find it hard to cope with their studies in higher grades; they are more likely to drop out of school earlier.
  • Once the peer group have developed a sense of identity they associate with kids who respect equality in friendships. They abandon the bully because they don't want to be bossed or bullied and told what to do and say, what to wear, where to go or whom to befriend.
  • Many students want a career and want to achieve at school, thus the lazy bully can be forced to hang around other losers.

The Bully's Future

According to Hara Estroff Marano, Psychology Today, (1995) research has found that many bullies embark on a 'downwardly spiralling course' for the rest of their lives because of their inability to deal with conflict and violence.

  • Their bullying behaviours can interfere with their learning, friendships, work, intimate relationships, income, physical and mental health.
  • They are more likely to become anti-social as adults and have difficulty creating close friendships.
  • Male bullies are more likely to batter and bash their wives, abuse their children, abuse alcohol and drugs.
  • Female bullies tend to lose their friends.
  • Bully dropouts are more likely to have a criminal record by the time they are 24.
  • The bully who is successful in his career can be tripped up later on, when the impact is greater.
  • They are more likely to create another generation of bullies.

Sadly, bullies end up being losers in a big way.

Society as a whole pays the price for their inability to relate to others in an assertive, empathic, respectful manner. Bullies have a basic right to live a normal life, respected (not feared) by others and able to maintain healthy, rewarding relationships!